over tinkering

thanks for the long weekend, i finally had time for myself again. i visited my mom, played badminton with officemates, hang out with them, and i even got to play disc! i can't believe its been a month since i've trained ultimate.

drinking sessions with officemates is really a bad idea. i guess, my officemates, or actually most of my friends, do not really know me. i hope i didn't scare them. sometimes, i forget that what is normal for me is not really what you would call normal for them.  or maybe, the things that i experienced made me so messed up, that it distorted my view of what is normal.  or maybe, i just don't know my friends that well also, that they too have their own secret life as well. one thing i know for sure.. i overthink.. a lot.

one conversation led to another, and then we got into the marriage talk. for the first time, i met a person with a similar view.  i don't believe in marriage. for me, its just a paper, that would cost you 200k bucks to get invalidated.   but i do believe in commitment. i just think that you do not need a formal contract for that.  im not against it, i just dont believe in it.  its a gesture of commitment. i just hate it when people do it for the wrong reasons.  i have heard a lot of marriages that is shorter than my f***d up relationship.  then again, people do crazy things when they are in love. :p  again, im not against marriage.  i would love to be married to the right person. the problem is, in my life, i've met only 2 guys who i think i can marry. but both of them are too good for me. i don't deserve them :p the irony! haha. but i feel very lucky to call them my friends.

its good to hang out with single people older than me. at least, no questions on when i plan to have a family. i just don't get it why people ask me that. like its possible to be planned out.  i do sometimes think about having children. i can always adopt if i really want to. but hello, i don't even dare get a cat   because i don't like responsibility.  i just sometimes feel that i might not get to live my life fully, because i will be missing the experience of being a mother.

i guess this is what God (or the universe) has planned for me.  my mom and dad might be disappointed because i don't have my own family at my age.  i hope they realise that i feel very blessed, and God will give me all the tools i need in living my life He intended for me.